Use Joseph's Story to Discuss Consent With Your Kids

When I prepared our Joseph, Potiphar and Jail 3 Part Cards I knew I wanted to do a Consent and Kids Activity as part of our learning about this Torah story. During our reading of the cards Monday, my daughter said “That [Potiphar’s wife actions of attempted romance with Joseph then turning on him when he rejects her] wasn’t nice.” My daughter instantly knew this wasn’t a good situation. These instincts are good but there is so much more about consent and challenging situations that is good to discuss ahead of time.

Today I wanted to follow up on that icky feeling and have a deeper discussion of what types of touch can feel ok or not. My assumption was that most of the feelings would really depend on the circumstances—who, when, why. Having this discussion is so essential to kids understanding the importance of consent, what it can look like, and how fluid it can be. And, because I want their learning to always be fun, I set it up in a sensory bin with a fishing element!

What You’ll Need

Types of Touch free printable
Cardstock
Scissors
Velcro dots (optional)
Paper clips
Popsicle stick
Magnet
Glue gun
Sensory bin
Sensory filler

Putting It Together

Print the Types of Touch printable on cardstock.
Cut out the squares
Add Velcro dots to the back of every card except the emoji ones if you want to use these cards with a felt board.
Add a paper clip to the top of each card except the emoji ones.
Use a glue gun to glue a magnet to the popsicle stick at the top.
Fill a sensory bin with sensory filler of your choice.
Attach the emoji cards in a horizontal line, with space between, either on a felt board or on a table or floor. You will need space to make columns.
Lay out the other cards on top of the sensory filler, image side up.
Invite your child to use the magnet popsicle stick to “fish” out a card at a time.
Read the card and talk about the type of touch it is. Then ask your child if that kind of touch feels good, doesn’t feel good or it depends. Talk about their answer as much as they are willing and feel comfortable.

Finished & Loving It!

The premise of this activity (and the set up too!) is so simple but the discussion it ignites is complex and so necessary! We found, as I suspected, that most of these touches feel different depending on their context. Sometimes hugging feels good. But sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s ok! It’s so important to talk to your kids about when it might feel safe and welcome and when it might feel not so good to them, but also that they can change their minds about this at ANY time!

Some touches were an automatic no go, like the pinching and licking. But my kids also said tickling doesn’t always feel so good. Does that surprise you? For many kids tickling can feel really overwhelming and unsafe. Yes they are laughing but it’s a reflex; they can’t not laugh. And it’s really hard to get away or say stop when your body is laughing so much it’s hard to breathe. If you haven’t talked to your kids about tickling this is a great opportunity to ask and listen!

The kids didn’t always agree on each of the categories and that’s ok too. The goal wasn’t to find a single spot where these touches should be categorized into. The goal was to talk about each of them, encourage the kids to really think about the touches and the situations in which they might occur. And how they would feel and respond in those situations.

I really enjoyed listening during this activity. That was my main role: identify the type of touch by reading it out loud, then sitting back and listening as the conversation took place. Observing the back and forth, the deep thinking, the what ifs was fascinating. It also helps remind me as a parent that some things I do automatically, or because they’ve been ingrained in my habits from my childhood (that dreaded pat on the head!), may not be welcoming or feel safe to my kids.

I loved setting this up as a fishing game sensory bin. It gave the kids a fun hands-on element in addition to the heavy discussion. I also liked using my felt board to help set up the choices they made. It makes it so easy to visually see their ideas of consent (especially because ours hangs right above the sensory table!). But you don’t have to set this up as a sensory bin. Just lay the cards out on the floor or table and let the kids move them around to the correct column as you discuss each one. Super easy, simple and effective!

There are a lot of good books available to help guide the discussion with kids and consent. Here are some lists you might find helpful:

I really wanted this activity to feel empowering for my kids. I wanted all of us to think deeply about the many types of touches involved in various situations and how they make us feel. And if they don’t make us feel good, I want my kids to always always always feel comfortable saying that. Hopefully practicing and connecting this way will give them that inner strength to state their feelings clearly when they need to!