How to Create a Family Peace Table

A family peace table is a wonderful conflict resolution process and location. It is also a safe space for calming down and regulating oneself. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher introduced the idea of a peace table in their classroom last year and my daughter was super excited to bring it home into our house. It’s made a huge difference! When we employ it, it really does work wonders between siblings, and for when you need some reminders and guidance for calming down yourself.

Shalom bayit (peace in the home) is an important Jewish value, and one we take seriously in our house. It’s also sometimes quite a challenge, especially when families have been on top of each other this last year and a half. We can all use some extra tools to help with peaceful actions, and saying sorry when we need to.

Check out how we set up our family peace table below and see if it can make some positive change in your house too!

What You’ll Need

• A safe space in your house
• Ideally a table and chairs so participants can sit facing each other
• Instructions for how the peace table works
• Calming tools: some ideas are sensory or calm down bottles, sensory squeezes, sensory brushes, finger tracing cards and calm down cards (we just added the last two to our table and they are so lovely!)

Putting It Together

1. Print out Instructions for how the peace table works.
2. Set up your peace table.
3. Invite your children to the table, read the instructions, introduce any tools you have, and discuss your expectations about how this peace table can work.
4. You will probably need to act out situations for awhile so the kids have a better understanding what the conflict resolution looks like. Then it will take practice (maybe lots of practice!) before it becomes a habit. But once it does, when there’s a conflict, or someone needs to calm down, you can say “peace table,” and they will know what to do!
5. Add tools and whatever modifications you need as time goes by to make it work for your family. If you set up your space by a wall it might be nice to put calming photos, quotes, or other images that make your family think of peace.

Finished & Loving It!

The family peace table has been a game changer for our family! We’ve now used it for almost two years and it makes a big difference in the kids being able to work through their conflicts together. Our goal is to offer them a safe space and support as needed, but we want them to have the tools to resolve their own conflicts.

We also want them to have the tools to practice self-regulation and have seem great improvements by using this table for that too.

One lovely thing is that after you get comfortable with the peace table as a concept, you can shift the locations. The peace table no longer has to be the physical table you’ve set up. You should be able to call a peace table whenever and wherever you need: at grandma’s house, at the park, in the car. The same resolution process and tools will apply, but you won’t have the physical objects to work with.

I would love to hear if your family uses something similar, or if you try out your own family peace table! Email me or comment below!

Want more resources on child and sibling conflict resolution and self-regulation? I’ve found the following resources very helpful!

• Aha! Parenting website, books, and online course–so many articles and information about how to self-regulate for parents and how to help your children develop self-regulation and emotional intelligence.
• PJ Library: Keeping Peace at Home
• PJ Library: Practicing Mindfulness With Your Family

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