Make Vashti, Courage, and Consent Part of Your Discussion and Activities This Purim

One of the themes of Purim is the revealing of something hidden. As educators and parents, we often sum up this theme as Esther revealing her Jewish identity that she had kept secret from her husband, King Ahasuerus. This revealing saved the Jews of Persia. The focus of what Vashti revealed is usually not discussed with the same depth when we share the Purim story with children. Yes, she is not our Jewish heroine, but she is still worthy of including in the version we tell our children for how she reveals her courage and stands up for herself when she’s put in a situation in which she’s uncomfortable.

Revealing the Ugliness of Vashti’s Story

As a grown up, I’m familiar with the more unsavory parts of Vashti’s story, but the version I often share with my children glosses over a lot of the intolerable parts and thus keeps the true aspect of Vashti’s bravery, of saying no to an unbearable situation, hidden. The fact that the situation includes a very powerful man, in both a civic and personal sense, is also important to note. This year I plan to reveal the ugliness of her story to my children and the courage it took for her to stand up for herself. By sharing these uncomfortable details I hope that they can view Vashti as a role model, as an example of how a strong, brave person can make the choice to say no when they don’t feel comfortable doing something that doesn’t feel right.

Vashti Gives Us an Opportunity to Discuss Consent

In a social climate where we now emphasize the importance of talking openly and honestly with our children about consent, I think we have the opportunity to reveal Vashti and her story and discuss it in meaningful ways with our children. We don’t need to skip over her quickly to get to the main part of the story we relish telling. We can reveal the uncomfortable truth of her situation, her courage and how that courage is powerful and important for all people. This version is not just important for women or for adults to hear. Children of both genders need to hear it too.

Let’s Give Vashti Her Own Symbol

In past years, when I’ve set up my Purim activities, filled with symbols that correspond to each character of the story, I’ve always hit the main four: Esther, Haman, Mordecai, and King Ahasuerus. I’ve left out a symbol for Vashti. What an oversight! As a teacher and parent I’m always looking for ways to add learning to an activity. Discussing Vashti and her choices is one way to talk about consent and the importance of listening to oneself and to others when they say or feel “no.” Vashti deserves her own symbol. It should be one that represents courage and bravery. Vashti’s part of the Purim story needs to be recognized, retold, remembered, and discussed in all of its uncomfortable detail not just for adults but for children too.

Digging Deeper With Your Children: What Would They Do?

Nowadays it’s normal to teach our children about consent, how to say no if they don’t like something, to not force hugs or other touching so that they will be strong, confident and assertive enough to say no when something makes them uncomfortable. This Purim I’m going to talk to my children about how Vashti did the same thing. I’m not going to casually and quickly say she didn’t want to dance for the king so he sent her away, just so I can get to the rest of the story. I’m going to tell them that the King asked Vashti to dance naked in front of other people and she did not like this. This order made her uncomfortable and scared. She stood up for herself and said no. I will also ask my children: How would THEY feel in a similar situation? What would they do? Who has the right to tell them what to do with their bodies? How would they handle such a situation? Would it change if it was a stranger asking? A friend? Someone they loved?

Vashti’s portion of the story is easily an example of the power certain people, often men, have over others. It’s accentuated by the fact this powerful man was also her husband. These two aspects make it an appropriate tale to demonstrate to children that there are often situations in which the powerful take advantage of and/or pressure others. By asking my children how they would respond, I hope the lesson will sink deeper and empower them with the understanding that they alone can consent to situations involving their bodies. This right to consent does not change if it involves someone who is powerful or with whom they have a relationship.

Recognizing Vashti’s Acts of Courage

This Purim my children and I are going to make a courage catcher craft. My initial thought was to make this craft as another symbol and retelling of Esther’s courage. But you know what? Vashti deserves this symbol too. Standing up for yourself takes courage. Knowing you have the right to consent to how your body is treated is powerful. And it’s important to recognize these acts of courage and empower our own children to take the same stand when they face uncomfortable situations. I want my children to say that not only would they want to emulate Esther’s bravery to reveal herself as a Jew, but also Vashti’s courage to reveal herself as a person in charge of her own body.