They say pandemic or quarantine fatigue is real. I’ve felt it and believe it. The constant fears and anxiety over safety, health, work, school, socialization, families and friends. There’s so much. Constantly. It’s exhausting.
But I was also exhausted before the pandemic. We were blessed with the birth of our fourth child, a son, in April. A month into our county’s shelter in place order. A pandemic baby. So much fear about his and our health and safety that last month before his birth. And, while I now look back and think his birth might have been the least physically painful one of my four, I was overcome with the most fear and anxiety throughout my birthing. I could not relax. My mind couldn’t stop worrying. And my body could not physically calm down and relax. It was the longest birth of all my babies. But again, he is here and he is safe and healthy and that was our biggest prayer.
Even before his birth and the worry surrounding the pandemic I felt tired. Actually not just tired but bone weary. Taking care of three active children while pregnant, managing three part-time jobs, two co-op schools, religious school, swim practice, house care and play dates was exhausting. Oh we moved in October too! How could I have forgotten about that?!
So yes, I’ve been tired for a long time. Physically tired, mentally tired and spiritually tired too. I’m trying to find myself again. To look at each day not with concerned fatigue but with wonder.
Feeling Behind … On the Computer, Not in Life
I’m almost a year behind on my blog posts. When I finally signed on after all this time I couldn’t believe it. But I guess that tracks the last year of my life. I had big plans to catch up this summer. But of course real life got in the way. And most days I’d much rather hold a sleeping baby against my chest and read a fun book than log into the computer. And I’m ok with that. But I’m going to try to take my Instagram craft and activity posts for this past year and update them into blog articles that I hope can inspire your family for more Jewish hands-on fun. Because even through my fatigue we made beautiful Jewish moments happen. Actually quite a lot of them happened! My fatigue just meant I didn’t have the energy or motivation to post about them right then 😉
My Hope … But Not a Promise
So I won’t promise anything because I’m still a realist that knows if a baby or older kid calls for my attention that they will come first. But I will do my best to share the last year’s worth of Jewish fun we’ve been having. It will be out of order but thank goodness for the search field so when that holiday comes up again we will be ready!
And the bigger promise I make to myself: to find a way out of this fatigue. I may still sit on the couch holding a sleeping a baby but if that’s the case it is because I choose that activity, not because my motivation is so drained, my spirit so exhausted, my body heavy with fatigue. Wish me luck!
How are you all doing? Are you feeling the pandemic fatigue? Is it just more exhaustion on top of life as you knew it before? Have you made beautiful Jewish moments during this crazy time?
